November was for me a mix of travelling, recovering from jet lag and getting to terms with the political crisis of a small island state which erupted in no small terms towards the end of the month. As I look back on last month, and before I look ahead to the coming year, my thoughts from last month lead me to ask myself three questions:

Who do we want to be?

On one day in November I got lost in Milan. This was not my first visit to the place and I assumed I could find my way around even though my phone battery was almost gone. I had forgotten how beautiful the older parts of Milan are architecturally. The rich architecture is a reflection of who these people wanted to be. It gave me a sense of grandeur and synchrony – buildings sit nicely side by side, all with a similar type of facade that flows from one building to the next. It also reminded me of Milan’s association with design, fashion and style. 

At the same time, Italy’s current political reality is far from in synch. Putting it in context of all the talk around Brexit, and the rise of Populist movements, of which Italy has not been spared, Europeans would struggle to agree on a common identity, on who they really want to be. I couldn’t stop questioning what happened along the way, and what got us here.

What do we stand for?

Milan also prides itself with the Duomo, the 5th largest Christian church in the world. This was the first time I made it inside the magnificent building. Each corner of this building, from the ground to the rooftop, is a work of art. Each sculpture, painting or stained glass window is a bold statement. If you need any convincing of how big a statement the Duomo is just learn more about what constructing it really entailed. It took over six centuries to complete the Duomo and a network of canals had to be constructed to deliver the marble from the quarries. The canals are till today part of Milan’s landscape. 

The scale of the project does reflect what these people wanted to stand for. I doubt any politician or church can justify a project of this scale in our time. Then again we do take hard decisions in the name of economic growth. 

Where do we want to go, (and what aren’t we ready to compromise)?

You do not need to travel much to get to the third place which got me thinking last month. November has been a critical month for Malta. During my brief visit in November things were quite low key. Since I left protesters have taken to the streets almost every other day, demanding resignations of top government officials that in some way, sometimes even by omission, have fuelled a culture of corruption and in the most brutal way shut down the voice of truth amidst all of this, allowing a journalist to be assassinated.

The Maltese will surely not build anything like the Duomo, but this does not mean they haven’t built anything else instead. First and foremost they have built an economy on steroids, the fastest growing in the European Union. Exponential population growth and a massive construction boom are evidence of this. The current administration has a strong mandate to keep delivering on this plan. The direction the country has taken did not come without compromises. Malta, the smallest European state, was until a few years ago known for punching above its weight. Last month It was described as an island of corruption. So is it fair to say that in the name of economic growth we have lost our way, are unclear on what we stand for and confused on who we really want to be? 

The past year has provided several reminders to be true to myself. It started with getting to know more who I am and what I am good at. Then it flowed into harder questions on my purpose, as open ended as that question could be. 

Whether I acknowledge it or not, I do have a ‘Duomo’ in my life – that thing I am excited to commit to with the same dedication of a six century project. What am I willing to give up simply because it gets in the way of what I stand for?

Finally, what am I not willing to compromise? Which are those standards that I am not ready to let go of? How do these line up to my priorities over the coming year?

From all the posts this year, this probably gets the award for the one with the most questions in it. However there is a price to pay for being lazy or alienated enough not to answer these questions, as individuals first and foremost. The crisis that Malta and Europe is going through is primarily a crisis in our heart, and then a societal one. It comes as no surprise that we feel lost, in crisis even. No wonder why we yearn for meaning and deep down we wish to find our way home – the place where we can safely be who we’re designed to be. 

So here’s my challenge for 2020. Whatever my new year resolutions will be, I hope they complement who I want to be a year on from today and reflect what I stand for with no compromise.